Welcome to My World – Are You Mean to Yourself?

Hello World!  Are you mean or hard on yourself? Until I wrote and read this over and over, I never realized how mean I am to myself. I’ve been hard on myself most of my life, but I never realized I was also so mean to me.  Are you this way too?

How Being Mean to Yourself is Holding You Back

I am really good at self-deprecation. In fact, you probably are, too. It’s an unfortunate skill many of us possess. I have the ability to put myself down in such imaginatively cruel and twisted ways that, if verbalized, would shock my loved ones. But, until recently, I never realized the extent to which my meanness was holding me back.

With my training

as an art & fashion design major, self-deprecation has been cultivated

within me from an early age—my hands can’t do anything right, I’m lazy, ugh my legs won’t look good in that outfit, why did I eat that burrito before trying on clothes, such a pig!  I have long focused on my flaws and the places where I was not enough. And I masochistically relished in being able to dig in where it really hurt.

I thought this “perfectionism and harshness” was serving to improve me, but it actually held me back for years. Romantic relationships, my love for design, my ability to start my own projects—all were stunted by my habit of self-deprecation. I was depressed, broke and complacent, my self-worth was raw and scarred, and showing myself to the world became internal torture.

With some external encouragement

and some major life shifts, I started to keep track of how often these limiting thoughts were popping into my mind. No judgement, just acknowledgement. Some days there would be pearl-like strings of nasties when I really got it going. Other days, maybe only an ugh, I look dreadful. But the fact remains that I was practicing negative self-talk every single day… which explains how I got so good at it.

The reason so many of us struggle with self-love is that we are incredibly well-practiced at being mean to ourselves.      

Focusing on the good things about myself has changed my life in incredible

ways ande I continue to work on this: I started a business that has accumulated positive momentum. I am a more stable partner. I have been able to travel more. I am able to take regular classes, if I choose, without initiating a breakdown. Being nicer to myself and celebrating the beautiful parts of me on a daily basis has made me happier and healthier.

It takes effort, but with time, patience and practice, self-kindness and self-love can become your M.O., too. Here are some basics ways that being nicer to yourself will improve your life:

REDUCE STRESS AND ANXIETY

Most of our stress and anxiety is self-inflicted. We magnify our flaws and

problems into monstrous creatures in our minds and they wreck havoc. There have been many times when I have allowed my internal dialogue to suck me into a near panic attack. I was never in a situation to warrant an anxiety attack, yet my relentless, self-inflicted battering of my psyche eventually becomes too over-whelming for my body to handle.

At times like these, it is worthwhile to journal three wonderful things about yourself. Yes, it will seem impossibly hard in the moment, and maybe you can’t think of  anything with real depth, but think of this journaling practice as a helicopter rescue team coming to drag you out of a vicious cycle. It is a real savior, just make sure you are trying to get out of the maelstrom by putting a stopper on your negative internal dialogue.

If you keep a positivity journal regularly, these are the times to flip through the pages and remind yourself of how wonderful you are.

FEEL MORE ENERGIZED

Negative energy is heavy. You can feel it, weighing down your limbs,

weighing down your heart. Inject your habitual thoughts with a fresh, positive perspective. It becomes easier to wake up in the morning, easier to start new endeavors, easier to hang out with friends and do fun things. Practice self-directed positivity and love and you will notice a lightness gradually growing within you.

FEEL MORE SUCCESSFUL

When you focus on pointing out the nice things in yourself, it can shine a

light on your small wins that often get undervalued. Over time, focusing on these small wins can give you the energy to keep working towards a big win, which is otherwise know as success.

For example, if you’re trying to lose weight and you wake up one morning feeling ugly and bloated and fat, it can be easy to forget about the 10 pounds you’ve already lost. In the moment, you may be so full of self-loathing and hatred that you want ditch your goals and surround yourself with comfort food and sweatpants for eternity.

But if you persevere, cut yourself some mental slack, and give yourself love and credit for those 10 pounds—you will probably continue successfully down your weight loss path, despite the hiccups.

It’s important to acknowledge the progress you’ve made, the small wins, in order to give yourself the courage to push through towards even greater success.

BE HAPPIER

When you’re nicer to yourself, you’re happier. It doesn’t take a genius to

figure that out. Show yourself some love.

Try to get in the habit of talking to yourself as you would your best friend. Sure, you’d give them a blunt kick in the rear if they needed it, but you would never call them lazy, hideous, pathetic, a slug, useless, worthless, ugly or anything along those lines. Speak to yourself with that same level of value and respect.

I’m not perfect. I still have days when I mentally start pounding on myself with a spiked club. But with a powerful positivity practice to counteract it, I am able to show myself more compassion than ever before. And that is a wonderful feeling.

Wow! When I started writing and re-reading this information, all I could think was “This is me!” Now it’s time to continue to change this bad behavior I’ve developed over a lifetime.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this and what you do when you catch yourself being totally mean to yourself…

Have a great healthy day!