Hello World!   Hope your world is treating you great today! Mine is fine 🙂  Words & how they can be either beneficial or harmful is what I am sharing with you today…

I want to start my day by saying: I am proud of every woman who marched yesterday! I’d be happy to stand hand in hand next to any of you, regardless of race, religion, color. It doesn’t matter! You are all strong wonderful women who believe in a good, just & important cause.

We, as women, have come too far to go  backwards now. We’ve fought the same fight in the past. We shouldn’t have to do it again, but, unfortunately, it seems we must. Watching you march on TV brought tears to my eyes. I wish I were there with you. I hope every one of you have a great day!!! You should be proud of yourselves. Your daughters & granddaughters, husbands, sons & grandsons are proud of you too!

Now I want to share something I found about words, & what it might be better not to say…

Unhelpful Things You Shouldn’t Say to Someone with an Addiction

Whether you have walked in the shoes of someone dealing with an  addiction or not, we all must take careful consideration of how our words may impact someone who has. Unfortunately, TV shows & movies can heavily influence our understanding of addiction—even when that information is skewed, unfair or downright inaccurate.

When talking with someone who is facing addiction & its effects, stay  focused on being supportive & understanding. Here are some examples of things NOT to say & why they can be hurtful.

1. Why don’t you just stop?

Probably the biggest misconception is that those who are addicted to   drugs, alcohol, gambling or anything else can simply stop if they put their mind to it. This is a gross oversimplification of what is really going on when addiction is present. Physiological factors combine with emotional & behavioral factors to create a very complex issue, so trying to boil it down to “just stop” isn’t helpful. Also, to insinuate that there is something wrong with the person’s willpower is pretty insulting.

2. Your brother can just drink at social functions, why can’t you?

Even though we all learn that individuals are different from one another at a very young age, this concept somehow becomes complicated as we grow up. It doesn’t matter if some other person doesn’t struggle with addiction;  even someone close to the person who does, because everyone is different. Bringing this up will only send the message that the person isn’t “trying hard enough” & probably won’t allow them to feel understood & respected.

3. How long have you been clean?

Each person’s journey in recovery is deeply personal. When, where & with whom they decide to share the details of their experiences is entirely up to them.  Also, some people may not be keeping a precise count when it comes to how long they have abstained. There are many other ways to gauge how someone is doing on their road to recovery. 

It should also be noted that, much of the time, those with longer periods of sobriety tend to receive more praise than those with shorter periods. The person who has an hour of sobriety is working just as hard as someone who has a year. Instead of asking this question, offer an ear to your friend or family member if they would like to tell you how they are feeling about their journey.

4. The best way to kick the habit is…

Nope. Don’t start a sentence like this! This is harmful because no one   knows the “best way” to move forward in their recovery—that is for the person walking that road to figure out for themselves. We may feel as if we are being helpful by offering tips, but remember that addiction is more complex than other experiences. Save tips for make-up tutorials & offer support & encouragement to those with addiction, instead.

5. Does it run in your family?

One thing that tends to happen is, when we find out someone is struggling with something that is hard for us to understand, we may feel the need to ask a bunch of questions. This serves the purpose of furthering our own comprehension of the issue, but there are other ways we can do that; if we really need to do it at all. Remember that recovery, again, is very personal. Try not to put someone in the situation of deciding whether they want to disclose personal information to you or to kindly turn you down.

Doing your own independent research on addiction trends & origins can be helpful in destigmatizing the problem.  But, it’s important to do the bulk of that research yourself & not depend on the person who is already busy with their own recovery to educate you. Remind yourself that your role is of a supporter, not a student.

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I find this information very helpful. I also think we can add food to the list  of addictions; & in saying this, I can say I am guilty of much of the above. We all need to learn how hurtful words can be, myself included…

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